About 18 months ago when I started this internet shit, I was going through a very rough patch with my girlfriend. With all the grief that was going on, and the novelty of IRC about to ta ke over huge chunks of my life, one thing lead to another and I ended up in a transatlantic, er, thing with an American woman (no-one from this channel, before you ask, you nosey shitbags). Yes, we knew it was wrong, but it was much too strong, we met every day at the same caf?, meeee-EEEEE ah-HAND Mrs! Mrs Jones! We got a thing going oh-HONNNN....you know the score.

Anyway, after a while I realised I had to check meself, and I was heading up Arsehole Street, so we talked, and we both agreed to p ut the brakes on.

A night later, I was up at 4am caned off me tits, and decided to write her an e-mail saying thanks for everything, see you next lifetime, dropping a few last intimacies. As I finished it I looked up at the screen.

That was when I re membered I hadn't opened my e-mail application.

Yes, I, Nishlord, had typed the whole fucking thing into our regular IRC channel.

I screamed like a girl, ripped the mains socket out of the back of me Mac, ran to me bedroom, threw meself on the bed and ran round and round on me side like one of the Three Stooges.

My turn, I think...hmmm...Doc...you have the opportunity to get off with anyone in ARF...who do you choose? And oh, saying me or Rob or any other bloke in an attempt to hide behind a patheti c pseudo-homoerotic facade won't work, so don't bother.

Oh, and I only just heard...big respect to Flyin' Brian.