Anyway, I want to wish our ol' dear Queen Muvver many happy returns of the day, Gawd bless 'er she does a GRAND job at her age etc etc etc.

At this very moment, Lord Nish sits in his Chill Palace, his face a distorted mask of rage and anger...his fist a-shaking across the Atlantic...you American fuckers have PISSED me off BIG STYLE, and some bastar d's gonna PAY!

According to some upstart colonial FUCKPIG called Kitty Kelley, our own Queen Mother - The Nation's Grandma, goddammit it, Britain's best-loved manky-teethed monarch - couldn't bear children, and so was artificially inseminated in order t o give birth to our own fair Queen and the pissheaded one, what's her name again....anyway...

I don't mind her ripping into some wife-beating scrawny Mafia wannabe, or an anorexic hag with a senile husband, but when my Royal Family is besmirched...well, you know that the Nishlord isn't gonna stand for it...so I'm gonnna take this tissue of lies and WIPE my ARSE on it.

You got that right, Father Fishcake...I am going to give the Queen Mother a right royal TUPPING (maybe on live TV before the lottery nu mbers, if the money's right), and knock her up as only the Nishlord can....and then we'll see, won't we, friends? The world will know the TRUTH, HA HA HA HAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What a fucking ugly kid it'll be though.

Just an opinion, but it's MINE, so it's valid.

My graduation speech was given by some old bastard from a better university than mine, and I can't remember what he sai d - I was too busy reminding myself what a twat I looked in me gown and mortar board. Everytime I go back to me Mam's I see that fucking picture of me holding a white plastic tube with a ribbon on it, looking like a complete spack. You know what the worst is? If I get murdered tomorrow, THAT is the picture that'll be on the news and in the papers. So instead of people mourning my demise, and thinking what a magnificent example of the human race I probably was (and a tip-top shag to boot) they'll be pissin g theirselves laughing at this mong in a Billy Bunter outfit. *sigh*.....

It also says his favourite person is Nancy Re agan. Surely that must be a hoax as well...

Thank you.

"A word of warning about Chat on the US system: our friends across the water are considerably more sensitive about rude words than we are. They don't have Page 3, and the anglo-saxon you'll find in the Sunday papers is probably illegal in some states! This also means that you'll find American Guides much stricter than our own cuddly UK guides. So basically, when in a US Chat ro om please mind your language, or you'll get into trouble, and that'd never do, would it?

You prissy FUCKERS...

Fucking Bastard Nishlord

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 15, 1997 at 11:07:06 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

Flashback: 20 years ago to this day. I was young. I was cute. I was blissfully unaware that within 24 hours...this life would dramatically change. I was probably counting spare change to buy a new lipstick...or nickel bag. Can't recall. On this day, 20 years ago, The King was still alive. His Kingdom was still Rockin.(Stay tuned for yet ANOTHER timely Flashback.)
-The Candster

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 15, 1997 at 16:04:01 (PDT)

FLESHBACK: 20 years ago to this day, I was young, life was awkward, I was blissfully unawar e that within MINUTES my life was hormonically about to change. I was counting all the nude pigmy's in a National Geographic and GETTING to know myself a LITTLE better. Can recall, on this day 20 years ago Puberty was ALIVE, my Hand was Still Rockin. ( Stay tuned for yet ANOTHER timely FLESHBACK.)

The Fitzman

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 15, 1997 at 17:01:00 (PDT)

Switch: Thursday, August 16th, 1977

Master Nishlord is a nine year old slip of a lad aged n ine, spending the summer holidays at his Grandpas. I used to love going there for me holidays, cos there was plenty of space to play Subbuteo (a table soccer game where you had to flick the little footballers about), and they had bags and bags of mini Mar athons (what you know as Snickers). Anyway, before I went to bed, I always used to put me pyjamas on, sit on me Grandpa's knee, and watch the News At Ten, which I used to love cos me Grandpa would call Margaret Thatcher a stupid evil bitch. He was right. My Grandpa was always right.

Anyway, halfway through the broadcast, the phone rang. Alistair Burnett (famed throughout the land for licking the arse of the Royal Family) picked it up. Then he put it down.

"We've just recieved news that Elvis Presley, the Rock n' Roll singer (ob viously as opposed to Elvis Presley the chip shop owner from Skegness), has died in Memphis. They'll be more details as soon as we get them."

Now, one thing you should know about The King and my own dear country; Here, Elvis was (and still is) a God. As Albert Goldman said. "Unlike the United States, where Elvis was merely a symbol of triumph over the last restraints of the Permissive Gener ation, in Britain he spoke of a more profound yearning; the desires to cast off the shackles of the oppresive caste system. To English working class boys he was virtually a messanic figure because his legend proclaimed: 'One day a lorry driver and the nex t - The King!'". Well, my dad was (and still is) a lorry driver, and he worshipped Elvis - even to this day, when I'm in the pub with him, he'll rise from his chair, hunch over, start to clap his hands and sing "WEEEELLLLLL since MAH bay-BEE left ME, I've found A new PLACE ta DWELLLL". My best mate's dad has a full set of Elvis plates on the wall over the fireplace. The only thing I can remember about Silver Jubilee Day (supposedly the most important day in a British person's life - similar to the Bicente nnial) is my Dad and the next door neighbour sprawled on the settee singing Hound Dog. There is a Chinese restaurant io the Old Kent Road that I will take all of you to one day called Gracelands, where the restauranteur called Paul Chan dresses up in a w hite catsuit and sings the King's songs very badly. There's also an Indian restaurant in Cardiff that does the same thing - the owner calls himself Patelvis. I can't stress this enough - the man was a god.

Anyway, there I was, in shock. Then the phone rings again. The newsreader picks it up. And puts it down. "We've just heard that Elvis Presley might not be dead... we'll get confirmation as soon as we can"

Looking back on it now, it was like an episode of the Wonder Years, for it was the firs t time in my life that I worried about my Dad. "Your Dad'll be crying into his pint tonight, Our Al" said me Nana.

I went to bed, and for the only time in my life, I prayed that he would live. Next day, I woke up to hear the radio blaring 'Crying In The Chapel', and for some bizarre reason, I took this to mean that Elvis was still alive and they were celebrating.

Face it, kids, what happened 20 years ago today was our generation's Kennedy shooting...but it was more important, really, wasn't it?

TCB ,

Nishlord, a hunka-hunka burning love

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 16, 1997 at 09:19:05 (PDT)

Okay, time for me to blurt my previously-untold take on Elvis' death.

I was 19 (do the math, you jerks) and working in a record & tape shipping warehouse in northeast Portland. The company was Lieberman Enterprises, and we supplied records & tapes to drug & department stores who wanted to have a tiny record & tape depar tment handled by an outside source. Our area was mostly rural, consisting of Idaho, Montana, Colorado, Wyoming and parts of other western states. So, we shipped a lot of Country & Western crap.

Nobody seems to remember this, but Elvis was considered a Country artist through his last years. The people who bought his records were the same people who enjoyed the major Country artists of the time, mostly Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Dolly Par ton, Mel Tillis and the like. So Elvis' records were always listed on the Country charts in Billboard Magazine. Elvis wasn't really doing anything new at this point. His "new releases" were either yet another compilation of previously released recordings, or "live" stuff. I remember shipping a new "live" Elvis album during my stint there, a double-album with a recent photo of The King on the cover in all his obese, jump-suited glory.

Anyway, we shipped quite a bit of Elvis, from new releases like the one above to old, weird records on obscure labels, some for as little as $2.49! On the day Elvis died, I remember shipping some of those old wierd records and thinking "Boy, someone i s going to snatch this right up".

Indeed they did. Demand for Elvis product -- ANY Elvis product -- went throught the roof. Within a week, we had to make a special section of the warehouse, consisting of about 1/3 of our floor space, that was nothing but Elvis product! For me, an unde rpaid shipping/receiving clerk in a record & tape warehouse, it was fucked.

Months later, I got fired.

Doc

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 16, 1997 at 09:49:00 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

Flashback: 20 years ago today. I was workin in the Sweat Shop. (pre-Kathy Lee, so we didn't have the perks she gave 'her kids") The dj on the radio said Elvis was dead and made a joke about the King od'ing in the can! I laughed. My co- worker went into hysterics when the News Service verified the info...and I had to call her dad to come 'n get her cuz she was too hysterical to work! There were puffy eyes everywhere I looked - for endless weeks! Did I ever tell you my cousin Dee threw h er panties onstage from her front row seat at an Elvis concert? (Thin Elvis. Early 60's.) Check out my Tribute to the King at my Web Site. (link above)
TCB....Candy-O has Left the Building!!

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 16, 1997 at 11:07:04 (PDT)

FLASHBACK: 20 years ago today, I was playing hopscotch in the street, pony-tails bouncing around, trying to figure out why all the g rown ups on TV were STILL crying about the fat guy being dead.
Understanding a little better now, Frac

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A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 17, 1997 at 10:55:49 (PDT)

wow, 20 years ago.....hm... I was just a little cutie pie. Just on my way to starting f irst grade. *sigh* The good old years...not a care and a guaranteed bedtime of 8:00pm.
I also had no idea who the hell Elvis was. My parents were in to the Kingston Trio, Simon and Garfunkel, Neil Diamond, etc. (yike!) I'm sorry to say I know all the words to Dionne Warwick's Golden Hits album.
Do you know the way to San Jose......
lisa

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A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 17, 1997 at 12:51:55 (PDT)

Hey didnt the Kingston Trio do that song about the boy who "fell into the well...fell into the well...fell into the deep dark well?" His name was so long that he ended up drowning before anyone could say his name. Wonderful childhood song. I think that it was that song, and being raised by a cop that made me turn out the way I am today. *Shive r*
Angela

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A Butter Patty from: rikitikitevyanosarrevyasharivarirushitikverrytevya
on Monday, August 18, 1997 at 07:06:35 (PDT)

help. I think I'm stuck in a well...eit her that or I'm in my office cubicle.

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A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 18, 1997 at 07:12:13 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

FLASHBACK: Four years ago, I was a strapping young lad, about 30 pounds heavier than I am today, and I was still sitting on the can, after overdosing on No-Doz, and singing "All shook up."



I have no freakin clue as to where I was planning on taking that...so I'll just give up. And, Nish,We're all so sensitive to your rude words that I'll have to ask you to watch your fucking language.

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 18, 1997 at 09:52:28 (PDT)

You know those moments when you're sat in front of the monitor, and you just want t o add something to the Churn that will send us all off down a new avenue of self-exploration, that will help to bring us closer together, that will amuse or infuriate, provoke, and, yes, even arouse, and you can't think of a single fucking thing to say? I 'm feeling that way right now...

Er...oh yeah, my Dad's got a glass eye, and when he goes into a transport caff with a new and inexperienced driver's mate, he'll stick it into the other bloke's porridge when he's not looking.

Has anyone got/had a more embarrasing parent? Yes, let's have a competition. First Prize...erm...(looks around the office) this blow-up doll of some ugly prat who plays for Man United. That'll do.

Nishlord>, who got out of that quite nicely, I think

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A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 18, 1997 at 09:59:33 (PDT)

Oh, and going back a bit: how can ANYONE be embarrassed to know the words to Dionne Warwick's Greatest Hits? I know 'em all, and I 'm not ashamed to sing "The moment I wake up, before I put on my make-up" on the balcony at 2am. Dionne'd be well fucked off if she knew that she shares space on my record shelf with NWA and Cypress Hill, though...

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A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 20, 1997 at 14:04:25 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

Hello! Not online as of yet:( Taking a break from homework in the computer lab. I miss all you crazy people!! Hope to see ya soon at the fight!

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A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 20, 1997 at 21:00:55 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

Go hunt for ghosts at that link...and who's coming to Redding to help me move??? Just think...you can drive a U-Haul allll the way to LA...with me beside ya, telling ya stories and singing you songs, and doing whatever folks do when they're alone in a car together on a long trip.....I'm certain I'll get tons of interested parties, so don't be surprised if I have to have ya all draw straws...

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 20, 1997 at 21:00:57 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

Go hunt for ghosts at that link...and who's coming to Redding to help me move??? Just think...you can drive a U-Haul allll the way to LA...with me beside ya, telling ya stories and singing you songs, and doing whatever folks do when they're alone in a car together on a long trip.....I'm certain I'll get tons of interested parties, so don't be surprised if I have to have ya all draw straws...

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 21, 1997 at 03:53:45 (PDT)

"doing whatever folks do when they're alone in a car together on a long trip"? Le mme think....be sick, argue over the radio, spill fag ash over each other, piss into empty beer bottles, drink by mistake piss-filled beer bottles, get snappy with each other, push each other about, stab each other...er, I think I'll pass on this one...no matter how many time you ask...:)

Nishlord

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A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 21, 1997 at 13:30:12 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

Um..posey - you're sounding kinda redundant. And you're sounding kinda redundant, too. Did I mention that you're sounding redundant? Well..If I could find a word for how you sounded.......


Nish! I wanna win! (although I'm not sure why) - But my parents certainly aren't that embarrassing. When my mom ends up doing time for computer piracy - I'll get back to you , though.

---

A Butter Patty from: bonkeydalls
on Thursday, August 21, 1997 at 13:33:44 (PDT)

I forgot to add the fact that Posey was sounding repetitive.

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A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 22, 1997 at 11:54:58 (PDT)

ummm, justr checking, but... I'm not the only one without a life right?

ok.. just making sure :o)



BillyZ

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A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 22, 1997 at 13:52:55 (PDT)

No life?!?! We *ARE* you life, hun.

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A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 23, 1997 at 13:16:07 (PDT)

Speaking of things to do on long car rides.....
Has anyone else ever played Padiddle? You know...when a car in the opposing traffic lane has only one headlight working? Everyone hits the roof of the car and says "padiddle" and the last person to hit the roof has to remove an article of clothing. Something like that, anyway....or have I just been playing it wrong? ;)
lisa

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A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 24, 1997 at 05:16:24 (PDT)

Ahoy! It's Bank Holiday Weekend here, and also the biggest street party in Europe, the Notting Hill Carnival, where the black population all dress up in butterfly costumes 50 ft high, blast out Reggae and Hip Hop in the street, while all us Whiteys stand by, smoke spliff in the street, and watch with envy. I'm going tomorrow, but first, there's something called a Dracula Party going on at the Hippodrome (a huge and very naff nightclub in Leicester Square) today, and I'm on the guest list! Hurrah! Probably the first time I'm going to a club and hoping I DON'T get sucked off in the toilet s...

Oh, and the hunt for the Naughty Nurses of Shoreditch was a complete washout...we were frogmarched out of the hospital by security...but my mad acquiantance made a full taped confession about something he did with his nob as a teenager (sorry, too crude for even me to say here), and I was introduced to hotknives and The Meters, so in all, a fine day.

Be Lucky,

Nishlord

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 24, 1997 at 20:48:30 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

Hey. Yeah, me again...and again. Dammit all. I have no idea why when I post, it posts at LEAST twice...*and* it won't put my picture up. There's a conspiracy. It's part of Doc's master plan to sabotage me. DOC...I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!!!!! Or maybe it's Billy...yeah, that's probably it...he was probably bribed by Rob, who is secretly in love with my ex-boyfriend, whom he CLAIMS is gay. I, for one, believe it is just wishful thinking...and with me out of the way, he could have Ken allllll for h is sweet lil self...





...to be continued





Posey

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A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 26, 1997 at 00:09:55 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

Doc's Mac Browser Review, written while drunk (surprise!)

I have spent the last two weeks testing Internet Explorer 3.0 and Netscape Navigator 4.01 for the Mac, so I thought I'd pass these thoughts along to the other poor bastard Mac users.

My usual browser is Netscape 3.0, so that is what I am comparing them to.

Browser:

Internet Explorer:
The browser is basically indiscernible from Navigator 3.0, except that I can't get the flash-update baseball scores from my beloved Mariners site because of a lack of Java support. I guess it's coming though. And IE is stable.

Navigator 4.01:
Same as Navigator 3.0 except it has an easier path to newsgroups, fucks up GIF files (it dithers them horribly!), and crashes daily, which is about twice as often as 3.0.


E-mail:

Internet Explorer:
IE finally has an e-mail client as good as Navigator 3.0.

Navigator 4.01:
Has an e-mail client that adds filters! Now, at last, I can auto-delete any replies from the dorks whom I send to www.amishrakefight.org/gfy! And the bugs when sending an attached file in 3.0 are no longer present!


Newsgroups:

Internet Explorer:
Completely sucks at this. For me, it opens an ancient newsgroup app of mine I happened to have sitting on my hard drive! It also opens its own newsgroup client at the same time. To add to the confusion, it will only give me the very first message in a newsgroup and no other. Other Mac users have told me they experienced the same thing. Worse than nothing!

Navigator 4.01:
No breakthroughs here, but it works!


So anyway, I am now using Navigator 4.0, despite the horror it inflicts on GIF files and the daily crash, which is at least very specific: It crashes when I am trying to grab a menu after running it for several hours. The cursor just disappears. Boom! Time to push the old reset button. Navigator 3.0 suffers from many different types of crashes, most of which won't bring down the whole computer. You can usually restart Navigator 3.0 like nothing happened. Anyway, if they fix this one bug in Navigator 4 .01, it looks like they may actually have a stable browser! That would be weird.

Doc, who has secret evidence that Posey herself is gay

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A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 26, 1997 at 10:18:14 (PDT)

Ken? Isn't he Barbie's knock-off? Posey's gonna be SO disappointed when she finds out you can't get his keks off...

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A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 27, 1997 at 11:18:42 (PDT)
You should look at this< /a> web page.

Treatment anyone?

---

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 28, 1997 at 12:38:44 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

NITERAVEN

E mail me!!!!!!

I am still waiting for the college techs to fix the internet system!!!!

Have you ever surfed the web text only????? It sux!!!

---

A Butter Patty from: SuperGeek
on Friday, August 29, 1997 at 00:51:14 (PDT)
You should look at this web page.

Special News Bulletin....
Amish Times. Dalnet, USA

mIRC 5.1 Released

Today it was announced that the new mIRC, version 5.1, was released onto the net. anyone who would like to dowload the latest version of mIRC can go here and fight and claw to get a good download from one of t heir shitty servers. OR... Click HERE (32 bit version) and download it from my page. I'll keep this file up until September 5, then I'll take it down. It looks pretty good, so download it and give it a try. S}{0CK